The hurt is natural, let yourself feel it.
It hurts because you trusted them, because for those months, maybe years, you decided that you thought that person was worthy of your time and love. You would spend hours on end laughing with them and when you weren’t with them you would make the conscious decision to trust they would be faithful. And you put your trust in the wrong place. Why didn’t you see it? You think. You should have known. There were warning signs, and you ignored them.
But these thoughts don’t make you any less angry at the person you once held so dear. Because everything you ever thought about them has been turned upside down. Every cute thing they once did makes you feel slightly sick as you realise for them it was always an act. Because why would you do that to someone you cared about? How could you? Even if they never loved you, did they have to humiliate you by going behind your back? At the same time they were saying things to you, they were also saying them to another. Why couldn’t they just tell you how they felt to save this feeling of your own stupidity.
Because that hits the nail on the head, you may hate them but you also hate yourself. You were being stringed along. Did they find it funny that you missed them while they were trying to get the attention of someone else? You know you should have seen it. Despite you telling yourself you deserved better than them anyway, you wonder why you ever thought they would love you. Because they found someone better, someone sexier, maybe more intelligent and you were just a bit annoying as you kept looking for their love.
Oh how you wonder what that other person has that you don’t. You wish you didn’t, but that selfish part of you almost hopes your ex does the same to this new person, because you’re desperate to hear that it wasn’t you in particular. Surely you’re capable of being loved, right? Maybe they’ll stand up to them better than you did and maybe one day your ex will realise how much they hurt you.
There’s that little part of you which mourns your relationship, the anger covers it most of the time and when you feel this sadness you hate yourself just that little bit more. Because why would you be sad. You’re better off without them. But the truth is you don’t miss them, you miss who you thought they were. You will never get to speak to that person again because they weren’t real and you have to come to terms with that.
Among all the emotions you feel, the lack of closure makes it all the more confusing. You’re not going to understand why your partner cheated, you probably don’t want to know the details and even if they did know how much they’d hurt you, it’s hard to see that they’d care that much anyway.
So the conclusion to this, being cheated on sucks. Your head will be filled with so many negative emotions and that’s natural. Let yourself be hurt, but remember not all of your thoughts are true. Surround yourself with people who care because no matter what some guy or girl thinks you are beautiful and worthy of love.